Hi all!
I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and a good new years, whether you spent it with family, friends, or were working, I hope you had a chance to relax and enjoy some good food and company.
I myself had a lot of work on, but got Christmas day and New Year's Eve off to spend with family friends and, of course, eat a lot of food and drink a lot of wine.
I am happy to say that I had a consultation about my CT results yesterday at the UCL Macmillan Centre and it was good news! Although the official radiology report is STILL not done, my consultant looked at my chest scan and seems to think it all looks the same as the last scan (6 months ago) and there's nothing concerning on there. Amazing news!
To those unaware, when I was diagnosed with sarcoma (nearly 4 years ago!) in my shoulder, it soon spread to my lungs - a very common type of spread for my sub-type. However, ignoring that the cancer later spreading to my shoulder blade, I have been quite lucky in that the growth in my lungs has been fairly stable ever since its discovery. There has been some growth, and in September 2018 I had an ablation to remove two nodules in my right lung, but ever since then the spots in my lungs have shown little/no growth and I have been otherwise healthy - and this is without any treatment!
I have no symptoms of the lung metastases, and very few side effects from the surgeries on my shoulder, so overall am completely physically able and healthy, which is literally all a cancer patient could ever dream of.
I am also going to have a full-body PET scan next month, just as a precaution to make sure the cancer isn't unknowingly growing elsewhere in my body. I have no symptoms, so we're not too concerned that the scan will find anything, but with cancer you never know! Whatever happens, I most certainly will keep you up to date on this blog.
Every time I have one of these appointments, I feel incredibly drained - I spent the rest of yesterday afternoon and evening feeling very sleepy, and didn't have much energy to do much with my day. The wait, travelling to the hospital, the tension before you actually go in the room, and then eventually finding out whether it's good or bad news, puts you through an emotional rollercoaster, and your brain runs wild until you find out the results. For me the stress has meant I can't quite celebrate good results as euphorically as you might expect, or as I'd like to. It's a bit like every time I visit the hospital is an ordeal, and a reminder of my diagnosis, so even if they are delivering 'good' news it can be a bit too overwhelming to feel simply happy. When I hear 'your scan looks fine', the relief is so huge that I just feel exhausted, but I am never quite satisfied. As a secondary cancer patient, the best you can hope for is stability, which is exactly what I have, but what I really wish for is to be told it has suddenly disappeared, and I never have to see a hospital again, and am cancer free. Cancer free are words I will never hear, and that is, as you can imagine, difficult to accept.
I am now focusing on relaxing and celebrating my good news and continued good health, and I am of course feeling very grateful, despite the bitterness over being in this position at all. Today, I celebrated by going back to the gym for the first time since Uni! (Oh I do know how to treat myself!).
I will be back on here soon for more updates on my life, including some exciting news/projects to come!
Thanks for reading, until next time,
M x