Over the last few days/weeks, I've been pondering on what to write for my last post of the year. How to summarise this year? Focus on the negatives, the positives, my hopes and dreams for next year? Nothing really feels or felt right, which is probably the reason I've not written so many blogs the last couple months too. Although I have plenty of blog ideas, I've found it hard being motivated enough to write. Nothing seems valuable enough considering all that's going on in the world.
The period between Christmas and New Years is always such a strange time, and especially now that I'm not working (back on furlough, thanks tier 4!), I've found it a very reflective time. Considering the crazy year the world has had, it is difficult to look back on it and not just see it as that - a crazy blur of a year. Many people feel like nothing has really happened, all the time has blurred into one, not marked by the usual events of the year. Everything has been consumed by Covid and disaster...seemingly.
I always thought it was a bit mad, the way we look at time - years, months, weeks, as if they're undetachable from each other. Time is but a construct! How can you look at an entire year, an entire 365 days, and label the whole thing as either 'good' or 'bad', while clicking the 'restart' button when January 1st hits. Many days this year were good days, but maybe that's just me?
So, I don't want to go into too much detail of my personal achievements of this year, or rather, I feel I shouldn't because this year has sucked for so many people. For most people, simply surviving this year is enough of an achievement. I also don't want to go into detail of personal downfalls or otherwise from this year.
But, well, I just have to mention these two things...
One: We raised over £2000 for Sarcoma UK this year! At the start of 2020 I set up a JustGiving page, deciding I would complete a 500km virtual runner challenge, while simultaneously completing a new challenge each month. Even though I didn't manage a challenge each month, I did so many and I am so proud. I danced, ran, swam, cycled, dressed up, sang, burped, pushed up, yoga-d, and blogged my way to get all those donations and tried my damned hardest to get the best for such a fantastic charity. I wish there was an easier way to help them out, and that research could just be funded by magic, but until that becomes possible I will keep on finding ways to fundraise!
Two: MY LUNG TUMOURS ARE SHRINKING!
You heard right. I started cediranib back in September this year, a type of oral chemotherapy that is intended to stunt/prevent/slow the growth of my sarcoma. Unfortunately, I have numerous tumours in my lungs, and back in September they did seem to be growing (albeit slowly). 3 months into my treatment, I have just found out that it's WORKING, and with amazing results. All the nodules are shrinking, some by as much as half. We are all thrilled, and I don't quite know what to do with myself.
I've had the best news to end my year on, and it has saved 2020 for me.
We can only hope that cediranib keeps doing its best job and shrinks all my tumours to basically nothing.
Health and happiness is a big ol' wish for 2021, but I'll at least be heading into January with both.
Happy New Year everyone. I know this past year has been a struggle, and this New Year's Eve will be different for most of us, so go easy on yourselves.
Until next year!
M x
